Publish or Perish

The Kindness of Strangers

I was doing my laundry one morning at Tierra de Zia apartments in Santa Fe, New Mexico in June of 1993, when an Asian chick ran into the laundromat and cried out: "COME HELP CATCH THE RABBIT!"

"Is it your rabbit?" I asked.

"No, but it's been running loose for days with dogs trying to kill it."

We have jackrabbits in New Mexico, and cottontails. But this was a domestic breed known as a Californian. Bred in California, Californians are a mix of New Zealand White, Himalayan, and standard Chinchilla rabbits. This terrified little bunny was white with a grey nose, grey ears, and tail. Something had torn a chunk out of her right ear.

I watched the rabbit deftly evade her pursuers before I made my move. Instead of chasing her, I coaxed her in a soft voice, and she let me pick her up. Boy, did she pick the right person.

A cheer went up when I solved the rabbit problem. Now I had a homeless bunny, so I made up some flyers and posted them around the neighborhood.

To continue reading this essay, click here to download a PDF.

My First Grand Prix

Harold Robbins was a pap writer of my youth. I read his bloated epic The Adventurers under a streetlight at the German Grand Prix

There were no sleeping accommodations at the Nurburgring so fans camped out on the exciting sections of the iconic circuit. I was new to Formula One, so I got blind pig drunk and scarfed down white sausages with sweet brown mustard.

When it comes to partying, the Germans don't mess around. They make the best beer on earth. Think what heroic party mammals you'd have to be to come up with Oktoberfest. Forget the Porsches and the rocket engineering. Let's have another round, and some more cleavage, Heidi.

Anyway, I was having a rare old time until I got sucker punched. That cheap shot made me forsake the taproom for more congenial surroundings. I found refuge under a streetlight as a steady drizzle fell on the hallowed track where Juan Fangio hauled in both factory Ferraris.

To continue reading this essay, click here to download a PDF.

Mango Lassie—A Memoir of the Sixties

They say, "If you can remember the Sixties, you probably weren't there."

Happily, Dougie MacKenzie recalls those zonked and zany times and brings them hilariously back to life in his regaling memoir, Mango Lassie.

MacKenzie reveals himself as a preadolescent trapped in the "rat" system of a Southern military school.

From an abyss of despair following the death of his brother, the disaffected teen finds solace in the arms of two girls he meets in France and pursues later as a freshman at Georgetown.

Avidly a lad with the ladies—and cutting an amorous swathe that Valentino would've envied, MacKenzie woos his women from the steamy streets of Pigalle to the waxed dance floors of Washington's Embassy Row.

At Georgetown University, at the height of the Vietnam War, MacKenzie meets his match in the uproarious Peter Fletcher.

In the thrall of his man-about-town mentor, MacKenzie is spirited through the doors of perception, and, ultimately—with the aid of a churlish dean—booted through the doors of expulsion.

Mango Lassie rollicks with wit and the follies of impassioned youth.

It is a cunning chronicle of college life that belongs on every bookshelf between Brideshead Revisited and Stover at Yale.

Click here to download a FREE book excerpt.

Buy It In Stores

Second Chapter Books
8 East Federal Street
Middleburg, VA 20117
540-687-6590>br />

The Fun Shop
117 West Washington Street
Middleburg, VA 20117
540-687-6590
TheFunShop.com

Royal Oak Bookshop
207 South Royal Avenue
Front Royal, VA 20630
540-635-7070
RoyalOakBookshop.com

Around the Block Books
120 Hatcher Avenue
Purcellville, VA 20132
540-751-9161
AroundtheBlockBooks.com

Books and Other Found Things
13 Loudon St., SW
Leesburg,VA 20175
703-609-7504

Winchester Book Gallery
185 North Loudoun Street
Winchester, VA 22601
540-667-3444
WinchesterBookGallery.org

The Bittersweet Garden
6472 Main Street
The Plains, VA 20198
540-253-5700

Four Seasons Books
116 West German St.
Shepherdstown,WV 25443
304-876-3486
FourSeasonsBooks.com

Proud Book Store
149 Rehobeth Avenue
Rehobeth Beach, DE 19971
302-227-6969

Ukazoo Books
730 Delaney Valley Road.
Towson, MD 21204
410-832-2265
Ukazoo.com

Politics and Prose Bookstore
5015 Connecticut Avenue N.W.Washington DC 20008-2024
202-364-1919
Politics-Prose.com

Georgetown University Bookstore
Leavey Center, 3800 Reservoir Rd.N.W.
Washington DC 20007
202-687-7482
Georgetown.Bkstr.com

Kensington Row Bookshop
3786 Howard Avenue
Kensington MD 20895
301-949-9416
KensingtonRowBookshop.com

The Book Nook
61 Main Street
Cooperstown, New York
607-547-2578
bnooki@aol.com

Bridge Street Books
2814 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington DC 20007
202-965-5200
bridgestreetbooks.com

The Center for Fiction
17 East 47th Street
New York, New York 10017
212-755-6710
centerforfiction.org

The Provincetown Bookshop
246 Commercial Street
Provincetown, Mass 02657
508-487-0964

Collected Works Bookstore
202 Galisteo St.
Santa Fe, NM
505-988-4226
Collected Works Bookstore

Garcia Street Books
376 Garcia St. Ste B
Santa Fe, NM 87501
505-986-0151
garciastreetbooks.com

Order a copy from the author:
doug@dougiemackenzie.com

Or look for it online:

Google Books

Amazon

Watergators In Hell

According to the eighteenth-century lexicographer, wit, and tastemaker Dr. Samuel Johnson, a satire is a poem wherein "wickedness or folly is ensured"… and never better than in The Water Gators in Hell, which satirizes the Watergate principals in a boisterous, witty, scathing vision of their trip to and experiences in Hell.

 

In Canto One, the Water Gators are chained on the deck of Charon's ghostly galleon as it crosses the fiery Styx bound for Hell. Richard Trixon pompously assumes he's en route to Heaven where he'll be crowned as the new archangel-elect. John Bean, however, has other ideas.

Canto Two finds the fractious tyrant and his bestial cohorts soldiering arduously through an infernal panorama only to end up as captives in Satan's infamous Red Fort. It is here in a madcap armageddon that the seedy trickster and repellent Pignew teach the Devil the true meaning of Hell. The Water Gators in Hell is a brilliant, picaresque odyssey in rhyme and a modern satire at its very best.

Click here to download a FREE book excerpt.

Buy It In Stores

Eileen Serxner Books
P.O. Box 2544
Bala Cynywd, PA 20117
610-664-7960

Buy It Online

Abe Books

Amazon

Check back here for the latest documentaries that Dougie has penned when they're hot off the press.

Baby Rugby

The curtain comes up on the office of Margaret Goodteddy. Miss Goodteddy is headmistress of Boxwood School. Boxwood is an exclusive girls' preparatory school located in present day Connecticut. Goodteddy is seated at her desk CENTER RIGHT. She is absorbed with reading her mail. DOCTOR TWEETY enters from the only door UP LEFT.

He pauses before taking a seat DOWN RIGHT. Tweety peruses The Racing Form as Goodteddy opens a letter.

Click here to download a FREE excerpt of the play.

The Splendid Wren

A play by Doug MacKenzie which debuted at the Santa Fe Playhouse, November 29, 1996.

For the brave men and women who defended our beloved South (1861-1865)–Especially Mosby's Rangers, John and Richard deButts.

The curtain comes up on Portable Classroom #6. Portable Classroom #6 is situated on a lonely corner of the Afton College campus in rural Afton, Indiana. Professor Everett C. Friskie is seated at his desk CENTER RIGHT. He has arrived early so he can eat a McDonald's double cheeseburger. Professor Friskie starts the action by tearing apart the take-out bag and wolfing down its contents with a beastly abandon. CHRISTOPHER BENTWOOD enters the room from the only door UP LEFT.

Click here to download a FREE excerpt of the play.